Synopsis
CRABBY OLD LADIES
Contemporary Dromedy (Drama/Comedy)
WGAw Reg. # 1764422
In a fabulous Fifth Avenue Manhattan apartment, two elderly women, BERNICE HOLLOWAY and SAMANTHA “SAM” FYVLE, meet with a slick real estate investor, RAYMOND ENDICOTT, to finalize the deal they’ve made for Endicott to buy their apartment with the provision they can live there until they pass away.
They inherited the apartment from an uncle and really can’t afford it, so they’re thrilled to receive their checks from Endicott who surprises them with a gift of tickets for a cruise from Miami up the Amazon River to Manaus. Not the most gracious of ladies, sniping at one another relentlessly, they submit to posing together for a “happy” picture to celebrate the deal. Bernice who has an annoying habit of clasping her hands and giving thanks to the deity above, does so, as she will continue to do at periodic moments in the journey.
Outside in Central Park, Endicott joins two sketchy characters sitting on a bench. LENNY TRAMUNTI is a large man, his small sidekick GEORGE nearly blind without his thick glasses. But they’re both dangerous. Endicott tells them it’s all set and gives them tickets for the same cruise as the ladies, speculating about getting the ladies out in the boonies to be done away with. He tells Lenny he’ll put their down payment in the bank and send the picture he took of the ladies.
As they talk, a pretty young woman, DANI MADIANY, photographs them from concealment.
The ladies arrive by cab at the Miami ship departure building, annoying their driver and the porter with their griping about the service. As they get on line for boarding, a handsome older man, CURTIS LANE, gets on line behind them, both of the ladies immediately interested in him, each building herself up while knocking the other down as they talk.
Nearby in line, Lenny and George discreetly watch, George, without his glasses, romancing an elderly lady he’s mistaken for a beautiful young woman. Dani, alone in line, watches everyone.
As they cruise the Caribbean towards the Amazon, the ladies vie for Curt’s attention while Lenny makes the acquaintance of the attractive young Dani. Thinking they might not have to wait to reach the Amazon to do away with the old ladies, Lenny comes up with a plan to lower George down the side of the ship to the ladies’ balcony to get them in the room where they can surprise the ladies and throw them overboard. Unfortunately, the makeshift rope parts and George goes into the water, Lenny having to get the ship to stop and rescue George who loses his glasses, making him a quasi-blind Mr. Magoo for the rest of the adventure.
Dani and Curt meet up as they are trailing the ladies to keep them from harm and get evidence against the hitmen and Endicott. Thinking that after George went overboard, obviously trying something against the ladies, it may be getting too dangerous. At an island stop, Dani arranges for a cabdriver to entice Lenny and George up the mountain with promises of a “good time,” and abandon them there. Lenny foils the plot by crazily coming down the mountain with George on a hang-glider, crashing it into the side of the departing ship, the two of them lucky to be alive if somewhat the worse for wear.
Reaching Manaus, the group take the a small boat to the remote Rain Forest Lodge where they’ll get to visit the Amazonian rain forest close-up. Lenny tries to drown Sam on a canoe ride, but Dani saves her pretending to be saving Lenny. George loses his gun that he’s named Sundance in the river, Curt having taken the opportunity to break into Lenny’s and George’s cottage to rifle their things, finding Lenny’s gun.
After a night visit to the festivities of a native village, Lenny and George kidnap the ladies and march them into the jungle. Curt and Dani video the kidnapping then rescue the ladies, Curt having disabled Lenny’s gun when he found it. Escaping with the ladies, they explain Endicott’s plot. Curt’s sister, Dani’s aunt, barely survived a hit-and-run soon after signing a contract with him, raising the suspicions of Curt and Dani though they needed proof to convince the authorities. Now they have it – if they can get back.
Pursued ineptly by Lenny and George, they move deeper into the wilds and get lost. But it’s worse for Lenny and George who are surprised by three bandits who kidnap them to hold for ransom.
Curt, Dani and the ladies start following a river to find the lodge and come upon a trail up from a small motorboat hidden at the water’s edge. Dani is cautious, and Curt goes ahead to survey the campsite, finding Lenny and George tied to a tree guarded by just one of the bandits. Though Sam and Bernice would just as soon abandon them to their fate, Curt and Dani want them alive to testify against Endicott. They surprise the guard and get away in the motorboat, Curt keeping the guard’s rifle to control Lenny and George.
When the propeller hits something in the water, disabling the engine, they put ashore by an old abandoned rubber processing plant to search for tools to fix the motor. Lenny gets his hands free and surprises Curt, getting the rifle away from him. George bumbles in the way allowing the group to get to shelter in the plant before Lenny can shoot, but Lenny and George finally catch them inside the plant and the end is at hand.
DISSOLVE TO Lenny and George meet Endicott in Central Park once again, getting the final payment for the hit and talking with him about whom he wants murdered next. Endicott becomes suspicious of Lenny’s insistent questioning and tries to run, the undercover police all around them making the arrest. The ladies, Curt and Dani arrive in a police car to watch the conspirators be taken away.
In a FLASHBACK, we see that facing imminent death, Bernice clasps her hands to pray to the heavens and notices the two killers are standing below a large hopper in the ceiling above them, a chain leading to a nearby lever. Pretending to faint and grab onto Sam, the two fall on the lever which releases the chain which dumps a mountain of rubber chips onto Lenny and George, completely burying them.
RETURN TO SCENE, they depart the park with Bernice and Sam renewing their rivalry to win Curt’s affection, Dani amused.
CRABBY OLD LADIES
Contemporary Dromedy (Drama/Comedy)
WGAw Reg. # 1764422
In a fabulous Fifth Avenue Manhattan apartment, two elderly women, BERNICE HOLLOWAY and SAMANTHA “SAM” FYVLE, meet with a slick real estate investor, RAYMOND ENDICOTT, to finalize the deal they’ve made for Endicott to buy their apartment with the provision they can live there until they pass away.
They inherited the apartment from an uncle and really can’t afford it, so they’re thrilled to receive their checks from Endicott who surprises them with a gift of tickets for a cruise from Miami up the Amazon River to Manaus. Not the most gracious of ladies, sniping at one another relentlessly, they submit to posing together for a “happy” picture to celebrate the deal. Bernice who has an annoying habit of clasping her hands and giving thanks to the deity above, does so, as she will continue to do at periodic moments in the journey.
Outside in Central Park, Endicott joins two sketchy characters sitting on a bench. LENNY TRAMUNTI is a large man, his small sidekick GEORGE nearly blind without his thick glasses. But they’re both dangerous. Endicott tells them it’s all set and gives them tickets for the same cruise as the ladies, speculating about getting the ladies out in the boonies to be done away with. He tells Lenny he’ll put their down payment in the bank and send the picture he took of the ladies.
As they talk, a pretty young woman, DANI MADIANY, photographs them from concealment.
The ladies arrive by cab at the Miami ship departure building, annoying their driver and the porter with their griping about the service. As they get on line for boarding, a handsome older man, CURTIS LANE, gets on line behind them, both of the ladies immediately interested in him, each building herself up while knocking the other down as they talk.
Nearby in line, Lenny and George discreetly watch, George, without his glasses, romancing an elderly lady he’s mistaken for a beautiful young woman. Dani, alone in line, watches everyone.
As they cruise the Caribbean towards the Amazon, the ladies vie for Curt’s attention while Lenny makes the acquaintance of the attractive young Dani. Thinking they might not have to wait to reach the Amazon to do away with the old ladies, Lenny comes up with a plan to lower George down the side of the ship to the ladies’ balcony to get them in the room where they can surprise the ladies and throw them overboard. Unfortunately, the makeshift rope parts and George goes into the water, Lenny having to get the ship to stop and rescue George who loses his glasses, making him a quasi-blind Mr. Magoo for the rest of the adventure.
Dani and Curt meet up as they are trailing the ladies to keep them from harm and get evidence against the hitmen and Endicott. Thinking that after George went overboard, obviously trying something against the ladies, it may be getting too dangerous. At an island stop, Dani arranges for a cabdriver to entice Lenny and George up the mountain with promises of a “good time,” and abandon them there. Lenny foils the plot by crazily coming down the mountain with George on a hang-glider, crashing it into the side of the departing ship, the two of them lucky to be alive if somewhat the worse for wear.
Reaching Manaus, the group take the a small boat to the remote Rain Forest Lodge where they’ll get to visit the Amazonian rain forest close-up. Lenny tries to drown Sam on a canoe ride, but Dani saves her pretending to be saving Lenny. George loses his gun that he’s named Sundance in the river, Curt having taken the opportunity to break into Lenny’s and George’s cottage to rifle their things, finding Lenny’s gun.
After a night visit to the festivities of a native village, Lenny and George kidnap the ladies and march them into the jungle. Curt and Dani video the kidnapping then rescue the ladies, Curt having disabled Lenny’s gun when he found it. Escaping with the ladies, they explain Endicott’s plot. Curt’s sister, Dani’s aunt, barely survived a hit-and-run soon after signing a contract with him, raising the suspicions of Curt and Dani though they needed proof to convince the authorities. Now they have it – if they can get back.
Pursued ineptly by Lenny and George, they move deeper into the wilds and get lost. But it’s worse for Lenny and George who are surprised by three bandits who kidnap them to hold for ransom.
Curt, Dani and the ladies start following a river to find the lodge and come upon a trail up from a small motorboat hidden at the water’s edge. Dani is cautious, and Curt goes ahead to survey the campsite, finding Lenny and George tied to a tree guarded by just one of the bandits. Though Sam and Bernice would just as soon abandon them to their fate, Curt and Dani want them alive to testify against Endicott. They surprise the guard and get away in the motorboat, Curt keeping the guard’s rifle to control Lenny and George.
When the propeller hits something in the water, disabling the engine, they put ashore by an old abandoned rubber processing plant to search for tools to fix the motor. Lenny gets his hands free and surprises Curt, getting the rifle away from him. George bumbles in the way allowing the group to get to shelter in the plant before Lenny can shoot, but Lenny and George finally catch them inside the plant and the end is at hand.
DISSOLVE TO Lenny and George meet Endicott in Central Park once again, getting the final payment for the hit and talking with him about whom he wants murdered next. Endicott becomes suspicious of Lenny’s insistent questioning and tries to run, the undercover police all around them making the arrest. The ladies, Curt and Dani arrive in a police car to watch the conspirators be taken away.
In a FLASHBACK, we see that facing imminent death, Bernice clasps her hands to pray to the heavens and notices the two killers are standing below a large hopper in the ceiling above them, a chain leading to a nearby lever. Pretending to faint and grab onto Sam, the two fall on the lever which releases the chain which dumps a mountain of rubber chips onto Lenny and George, completely burying them.
RETURN TO SCENE, they depart the park with Bernice and Sam renewing their rivalry to win Curt’s affection, Dani amused.