Beat Sheet of
Crabby Old Ladies
A  Contemporary Dromedy (Drama/Comedy)
Original Screenplay by Bruce Macintyre
February 8, 2015
 
 
Opening Image (1)
  • Aerial shot crossing New York’s Central Park from the West Side to the East Side and into a posh apartment building on Fifth Avenue.
 Set-Up (1-4)
  • RAY ENDICOTT, a slick middle-aged real estate investor, seals the deal with the elderly cousins BERNICE HOLLOWAY and SAMANTHA “SAM” FYVLE who share the apartment they’ve inherited from their uncle and endlessly snipe at one another.  Endicott gives them their checks to purchase the apartment with the proviso that they live there rent-free for the remainder of their lives.
  • Endicott surprises them with the bonus of tickets for a Caribbean cruise up the Amazon to Manaus in Brazil.
  • Bernice performs her first hand-clasp and look heavenward to thank the Lord.  (This habit will save their lives in a more pragmatic way than heavenly intervention.)
Theme Stated (4-5)
  • Endicott meets two men in the park:  LENNY, a large, fairly intelligent man; and, GEORGE, a small, badly near-sighted psycho.  Endicott gives them tickets for the cruise where they’re to murder the two women so they’ll never be found.
  • They’re observed and photographed by an attractive young woman, DANIELLE “DANI” MADIANY.
Catalyst (5-12)
  • At the dock in Miami, Bernice and Sam get on the ship, meeting an older and attractive CURTIS LANE, who tells them he’s a widower taking the cruise on his own.
  • The contesting cousins vie for his attention.
  • As Lenny and George go through the boarding, they sneak looks at the cousins.
  • Dani watches as well, she and Curt working together.
Debate (12-31)
  • In their lovely stateroom that the cousins disparage, they snipe as they change to meet Curt later.
  • Lenny and George find that Endicott has put them in what amounts to steerage for the cruise.
  • The ship sails and the passengers attend the life-boat drill.  The cousins arrange to meet Curt later for the sailing party.
  • At the sailing party, the ladies smooze Curt, each vying for his attention and later in the casino.
  • Lenny tries to pick up Dani, she encouraging him to stay close to the enemy.
  • Lenny plots to drop George down the side of the ship to the lady’s stateroom to ambush them.
  • At dinner, Lenny romances Dani while the lady’s continue vying for Curt.  They agree not to be so unpleasant to one another in case it’s putting him off both of them.
  • After dinner, the lady’s and Curt go to a musical while Lenny turns away Dani’s invitation as they’re planning on getting into the lady’s stateroom.   The murder is on.
Break Into Two (Choosing Act Two) (31-39)
  • George falls into the ocean trying to get in the lady’s stateroom, the ship’s emergency personnel rescuing him. 
  • George loses his glasses and will be largely blind the rest of the journey.
B-Story (39-41)
  • Curt meets up with Dani revealing that the two of them are following Lenny and George to protect the ladies while getting evidence against them and Endicott for their murderous plot. They realize they have to be more vigilant.
The Promise of the Premise (41-61)
  • The ship stops at an island and Dani hires a cab driver to entice Lenny and George to visit a whorehouse up the mountain, the driver to abandon them there.
  • Trying to reach the ship before it sails, Lenny gets George on a hang-glider from the mountain that crashes into the side of the ship, the crew having to perform another rescue, Lenny hurting his leg this time.
  • The ladies continue to compete for Curt’s attention while Lenny’s injured leg lets Dani put him off.
  • Lenny is suspicious about why the cab driver abandoned them on the mountain, wondering if something is going on he doesn’t know about.
Midpoint (61-69)
  • The ship enters the Amazon and sails to Manaus where our group transfers to the smaller boat that takes them to the isolated Rain Forest Lodge.
  • They all check in and are assigned separate cottages.
Bad Guys Close In (58-80)
  • Everyone but Curt takes a canoe trip where Lenny tips them into the river and tries to drown Sam, Dani pulling him off her pretending to be rescuing him.
  • Blind George nearly drowns and loses his gun in the chaos.
  • Curt breaks into Lenny’s and George’s cottage and finds Lenny’s gun.
  • That evening, everyone attends a native village show, heading for sleep in their cottages afterwards.
All Is Lost  (69-83)
  • Lenny and George kidnap the ladies from their cottage, bind them and march them off into the jungle.
  • Curt and Dani film the kidnap on their cell phone and set off after them.
  • Curt and Dani attack Lenny and George, Curt having removing the firing pin from Lenny’s gun which lets them free the ladies and flee.
Dark Night of the Soul (83-89)
  • From Curt and Dani, the ladies learn of the plot against them.
  • They’re lost in the jungle.
  • Trying to find their prey, Lenny and George are kidnapped by bandits who intend to try to get ransom for them.
Break Into Three (Choosing Act Three) (89-105)
  • Curt, Dani and the ladies reach a river and then see a boat tied up.
  • Dani cautions them not to walk into anything and Curt finds Lenny and George tied to a tree, a single guard watching over them.
  • They trick the guard and he’s captured, all six of them escaping in the boat with Lenny and George tied up.
  • Lenny manages to cut his bindings without being noticed.
  • The boat’s engine is damaged and they go ashore at an abandoned rubber factory to see if there may be tools to let them fix it.
  • Lenny gets the drop on them and wrestles the rifle from Curt, but he and Dani and the ladies escape into the plant.
  • Lenny and George surprise them in the plant and get ready to shoot them all, Bernice looking to heaven again to save them.
Finale (105-108)
  • Lenny and George are back in New York meeting with Ray Endicott in the park.
  • He pays them and Lenny gets him to talk of the job and who he might want them to kill next.
  • Ray gets suspicious and tries to run.
  • Cops appear from everywhere and arrest him.
  • Curt, Dani and the ladies are driven up in a police car, Lenny and George exchanging barbs before the two crooks are taken away.
  • As the ladies and Curt and Dani talk, a flashback shows how Bernice saw a large hopper above Lenny and George in the plant when she looked up to pray.  A handle on a chain was nearby and Bernice grabbed onto Sam as she pretended to faint, both falling on the bar which released the flood of rubber pieces in the  hopper that covered Lenny and George.
Final Image (108)
  • Sam thanks Curt and takes his arm.   Not to be outdone, Bernice kisses him for saving them as she takes his other arm, Dani looking on in amusement as everyone heads off.
  • The camera rises to show the city as the ladies squash Curt between them as they compete to the end.

The End